Tag Archives: 5 Days of Fighting Your Fears

May18

What if I ruin my kid’s life? (part 2)

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What if I ruin my kid’s life? (part 2)

I’m blogging all week about our fears and how to fight them. From my own fears as a homeschool mom and my experience as a homeschool graduate, I’ll be sharing insights and reflections on these tough questions. It’s going to be a great week of getting vulnerable and gaining victory. 

When my mom first began homeschooling some 24 years ago, she encountered a lot of challenges. For one, there was no internet as we know it today (I can’t imagine homeschooling without the internet!) Then, too, schools, colleges, and even the military were much more skeptical about homeschoolers, hesitating to accept them without an accredited transcript. When my brother wanted to join the airforce right out of high school, they insisted that he must have time in a classroom (even though he did exceptionally well on all of their tests). So, my brother completed his senior year in four months at our local high school. To avoid the same difficulties  when it came time for me, we completed much of my high school work through a distance learning program offered by Texas Tech University so that my transcripts would be accredited.

Now, however, most of those same challenges are non-existent. As a generation of homeschoolers proved that they could hold their own academically and otherwise, colleges became more eager to accept homeschool graduates. And with the changing times came different fears. While my mom’s fears were, “will my children be accepted into college?”, our fear today as homeschoolers is “will my child be ready?”

Surprisingly, a lot of college preparation is a part of every day life. I knew how to take notes during lectures because for years I’d taken sermon notes in church. I knew how to manage my time because of all the extra-curricular activities I was involved in, and because my mom put me in charge of making out my own schedule. I knew how to set deadlines and break large assignments into smaller ones not only from my school work but also from my part-time job at our local newspaper.

Though a highlight for homeschooling is flexibility, time management should still be a key lesson regardless of your homeschool style and approach. Keeping track of your time during your work is good stewardship and a valuable life lesson. Use a timer or a stopwatch to help your child complete tasks in a reasonable amount of time. Train him to schedule his day so that all of his tasks get completed. Teach him how to break large assignments into smaller tasks.

In an earlier post, I listed a couple of places to find yearly academic standards to make sure you are on track with your child’s education. But keep in mind that preparing for college involves more than just getting a good SAT score.  And for those children whose plans for the future do not involve college, homeschooling provides the flexibility to prepare them for exactly what God has for them. Teach them to set reasonable goals and plan steps to reach those goals.

Have more questions about graduating a homeschooler? Check out 5 Days of Graduating a Homeschooler and a number of other terrific posts at the Homeschool Crew blog hop.

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Do you have more questions or fears that we didn’t address this week? Leave a comment or contact me through the link in my sidebar, and I’ll try to tackle your concerns in a future post. Thanks for stopping by! It’s been a great week, and my prayer is that you’ve found just the encouragement you’ve needed to keep on the path God has led you to take.
May17

What if I ruin my kid’s life? (part 1)

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What if I ruin my kid’s life? (part 1)

I’m blogging all week about our fears and how to fight them. From my own fears as a homeschool mom and my experience as a homeschool graduate, I’ll be sharing insights and reflections on these tough questions. It’s going to be a great week of getting vulnerable and gaining victory. 

Homeschooling is a big decision that affects everyone in the family. It’s not to be taken lightly, and even after the decision is made with clear conviction, there might be a few doubts still lingering.
Is this what’s best for my child? Will I ruin his opportunities? Or, as a friend of mine so eloquently put it, what if my kids turn out “weird” without a bigger social group?
The Social Scene
When we decide to homeschool, we are embracing a lot of responsibility: my child’s spiritual training, my child’s education, and my child’s social development. It is my responsibility to ensure that my child learns to interact with other people. But there is nothing to indicate that this takes place exclusively within a public school. As a homeschool graduate, I found that building new relationships came much easier to me than to a number of my college peers. You see, for the last 11 years or so, I was very accustomed to meeting strangers. While many of my peers had kept the same group of friends through much of their schooling, I had been continually forced to make new friends and build new relationships. When, at the age of 17, I arrived at a college 12 hours from home, the stress of knowing absolutely no one was familiar to me and much less stressful for me than for many of my other new friends.
As homeschool parents, we do have to intentionally provide opportunities for social development, something that other parents might not have to think about ordinarily. I want to continually evaluate not only how my children interact with other people, but with whom they interact. In other words, do they only ever interact with Christians or do they have an opportunity to interact with non-Christians as well? My children are natural extroverts (as are their parents), so my task may be a little easier than someone else’s. (My son strikes up conversations with total strangers in the grocery store).  Nevertheless, it is not an issue I can ever take for granted.
Extra-curricular Opportunities
Another misconception is that extra-curricular activities can only be found within a school system. While homeschooling may present a few challenges in this area, I’ve known a good deal of families who car-school more than they homeschool because of all the activities on their schedule. From 4H to dance lessons to sports to field trips, there are myriads of opportunities for homeschoolers. Many homeschool groups are now large enough to have their own sports associations, take field trips to state capitals and watch government proceedings,  host science fairs, and more.
When I was in high school, my mom called our local newspaper to ask if I would have an opportunity to volunteer there, since I had an interest in journalism. After getting a “maybe,” she handed me the phone number and assigned me the task of setting it up. That volunteer opportunity worked it’s way into a part-time job through high school and during college breaks. My mom sought a similar opportunity for my sister on a church media team. Get creative. Find out what your child is interested in or find an activity to participate in as a family. Volunteer at a shelter or a mission. Sign up for activities at the YMCA. Start or join a program with your homeschool co-op.
Just because we choose to oversee our child’s education doesn’t mean we are robbing them of life. Life happens all around us and in a variety of places, not strictly within the boundaries of a school’s facilities. And homeschooling doesn’t have to end or ruin anyone’s life. In fact, you may find that you have more “life” than you can keep up with!
Be sure to check out all of the other great blog posts at the Homeschool Crew.

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May16

What if I get into legal trouble?

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What if I get into legal trouble?

I’m blogging all week about our fears and how to fight them. From my own fears as a homeschool mom and my experience as a homeschool graduate, I’ll be sharing insights and reflections on these tough questions. It’s going to be a great week of getting vulnerable and gaining victory. 

Honestly, this is probably my top fear—a confrontation with the state authorities about something we are doing. But really, this fear is the easiest to address. State requirements are easy to find, and local homeschool groups are more than willing to help you meet all of the requirements. Nevertheless, after all the i‘s are dotted and the t‘s crossed, sometimes there is still that lingering doubt that can make you absolutely miserable.

What if it’s not enough? What if someone asks for more than the requirements?

I’m not a good impromptu person (which is one reason I love writing. I can preview and edit my words a million times if I want to and get them just the way I want before anyone else sees them. Not having a chance to think about and edit my response can leave me in a cold sweat.) I take GREAT comfort in having already thought through a response to situations. So when I read a post about the “Show-me” letter, I felt relief washing away that awkward, clammy sensation.

In essence, this homeschool mom’s response was to politely ask to be shown the passage of law that indicated that a particular action was necessary: “show me where it says that in the law.” Of course, before she had written the letter, she took it upon herself to be familiar with what her state did require. It is our responsibility to ensure that we are following the law; but in the case that more might be asked for, we don’t have to live in fear.

Equipped with a knowledge of my state’s standards, the support of local homeschoolers, and the knowledge that I could politely stand behind my rights has made a huge difference in my personal fear factor. I can’t say that I never stand in a cold sweat at the end of the year wondering if I did all I ought to do; but at least I have the facts before me to settle my doubts and fears.

 

Be sure to check out all of the other great blog posts at the Homeschool Crew.

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May15

What if I miss something?

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What if I miss something?

I’m blogging all week about our fears and how to fight them. From my own fears as a homeschool mom and my experience as a homeschool graduate, I’ll be sharing insights and reflections on these tough questions. It’s going to be a great week of getting vulnerable and gaining victory. 

  • What if I fail?
  • What if I get into legal trouble?
  • What if I ruin my kid’s life? (Part 1)
  • What if I ruin my kid’s life? (Part 2)

I battle with this question constantly. Every time I feel we need to make a change, I face this haunting fear. Honestly, the fact I have to face is that I probably will miss something. In fact, educators are continually struggling with this themselves—changing curriculum, adding required subjects, adjusting core standards. It is absolutely impossible to cover every topic exhaustively all the way through twelve grades. We’re human.

The best way to maneuver around this hateful reality is to provide our kids with the tools for learning and not just the facts to memorize. Don’t get me wrong. I’m a huge believer in memory work. Our children have a giant capacity for learning; a capacity that is all too easy to take for granted. But to think that I will always have exactly the information they ought to memorize is setting myself up for failure. Instead, I want my children to know how to memorize, how to learn, how to study. I want to teach them to be independent learners, to know how to find and absorb the information that they need without depending on me (or any teacher, for that matter).

Nevertheless, there will be things your child needs to know, and there are a few different resources that can help with this. First, check your state’s educational standards for each grade. (These standards are available on the internet. Just google: [your state] educational standards.) Most state’s are following what is called the Common Core standards, which are available as a pdf and include information by subject and by grade. You can also purchase a series of What Your [Kindergartener, First Grader, etc.] Needs to Know, or check your local library for these titles.

But remember, the most significant lessons are not the lists of facts but rather the tools for learning.

“The most important thing is not that every child should be taught, as that every child should be given the wish to learn.” — John Lubbock

Be sure to check out all of the other great bloggers at the Homeschool Crew.

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May14

What if I fail?

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What if I fail?

I’m blogging all week about our fears and how to fight them. From my own fears as a homeschool mom and my experience as a homeschool graduate, I’ll be sharing insights and reflections on these tough questions. It’s going to be a great week of getting vulnerable and gaining victory. 

  • What if I miss something?
  • What if I get into legal trouble?
  • What if I ruin my kid’s life? (Part 1)
  • What if I ruin my kid’s life? (Part 2)

If we’re honest, that nagging little voice can be absolutely paralyzing—What if I can’t do this? What if I can’t teach? What if my kids can’t learn? What if I fail?

The truth is, we will fail. Just as there are days of absolute failure in parenting, there will be days of absolute failure in homeschooling, too. In fact, you might feel as though you’ve had weeks of failure. But the good news is that our failures are often riddled with mini-successes we don’t easily see.

Children are God’s greatest surprise. They learn when we aren’t trying to teach them, when we least expect it; and they learn as much from our failures as they do from our most stunning strokes of brilliance. There are lessons to be learned in every moment, the good and the bad. So what happens if  when you fail? Make it a teaching moment, because your child will fail, too.

But on you will go…up many a frightening creek,
though your arms may get sore and your sneakers may leak. —Dr. Seuss 

Most of the time, our feelings of failure are just that—feelings. To guard against these bouts of discouragement, it helps to have a clear strategy. Define for yourself what success will be. Set realistic expectations and goals to mark your path toward success. Then, evaluate if what you are doing right now is the best approach. For instance, if success is teaching a love for learning, then your child’s interests should help you determine at least part of your program. If success is a strong Christian foundation, than character and Bible knowledge should be a priority in your curriculum. If college entrance is your goal, than find out the best way your child learns (through visuals, through hands-on, through motion, etc.) and teach your child how to learn the facts he’ll need.

If your homeschool is not going as you had hoped, is it because you are failing or because your curriculum or your approach is failing to meet your goals? Once again, a lot of our discouragement is feeling-based rather than fact-based. Surround yourself with the facts and continually evaluate them.

…when you’re in a Slump, you’re not in for much fun. 
Un-slumping yourself is not easily done. —Dr. Seuss 

 

For those times when discouragement does strike, here are a few tips to recover your motivation:

1. Exercise. Get out and move around. Play a sport; play a game of tag with the kids; go for a walk—whatever form of fitness suits you best. Sometimes, as homeschoolers, we stay cooped up and sedentary to the point of emotional collapse. Give your brain and body the fresh air and endorphins it needs.

2. Preach to your soul. King David fought his discouragement by talking to himself. “Why art thou cast down oh my soul? Hope thou in God.” (Psalm 43:5) Equip yourself with some Scripture to help you refocus. Jot the Scriptures down on notecards and place them through out your routine: on your mirror, at the kitchen sink, by your planner, etc.

Something else I have enjoyed is receiving Daily Focus, a daily devotional email for homeschoolers produced by Alpha Omega. Each day I receive an email with a Bible verse and then a devotional article relating the verse to the specific challenges of homeschooling. (You do not have to use the AO program to sign up for the emails, and you can receive the emails without receiving promotional info from AO.) Visit their website, click on “Subscribe to emails” in the right sidebar, select Daily Focus and enter your email address to begin receiving these devotions.

The Lord will perfect that which concerneth me: thy mercy, O Lord, endureth forever: forsake not the works of thine own hands. —Psalm 138:8

3. Take a break. Step back from it all and allow yourself to refocus. Rest your body, your mind, and your soul. Give your kids a break, too. Our first year, I took a three month break after our first failure to revamp everything. When we started back, our homeschool was the perfect fit for us. If you can’t take a break completely, than try changing something. Switch the order of subjects, reverse your schedule, drop all but the essentials. A fresh look can make all the difference.

 …And will you succeed? Yes! You will indeed!
(98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed.) —Dr. Seuss

 

Bottom line, you will fail, but failure doesn’t have to be the end of the story.

 

 Be sure to check out the other great bloggers at the Homeschool Crew.

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May11

5 Days of Fighting Your Fears

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5 Days of Fighting Your Fears

I’m so excited to be joining the blog cruise at the Homeschool Crew. All next week I’ll be blogging about the fears we face as homeschoolers, providing encouragement and answering some of those dreaded questions like “What if I fail?” and “What if I ruin my kid’s life?” From my own fears as a homeschool mom and my experience as a homeschool graduate, I’ll be sharing insights and reflections on these tough questions. It’s going to be a great week of getting vulnerable and gaining victory.

Be sure to join me for a week of inspiration and motivation. Then, check out all of the other awesome bloggers posting on over 60 topics!